There’s something magical every year around this time, when the calendar turns to a brand new year rife with possibilities.
It is the one time of year where most of us are of one collective mind… What do I want to be different and better in my life, and how will I accomplish that?
It is great to have goals: lose weight, nix a toxic relationship, get a better job, or make more money. We might have the desire to find a mate this year, to travel, or to slow down and savor.
Whatever your New Year's goals are, sadly, most of these goals for the majority of people won’t be realized. The local gyms will be brimming with new hopefuls for about the first three weeks of the year, and then back people go to their old habits.
Why is this and does it have to be this way? Do we have to succumb to the yo- yo cycle of dreaming, wishing, trying, and reverting to old habits even when we don’t like the result we’re getting?
The reason many people don’t succeed in meeting or exceeding their New Year's goals is because they often don’t understand how their beautiful brains work. Lack of understanding can lead to dismal results when we attempt to break free from old habits that do not serve us.
So let’s learn more about your magnificent brain so you can begin to understand yourself a little more, learn to work with the brain you have, and nix the grief and guilt in the process from feeling like you “can’t change.”
1. We all have a Brain that wants Predictability. That three pounds or so of tofu -like substance that sits in our head is command central. The brain will constantly strive to get what it needs. Our brains love routines, knowing what comes next and what we can expect. Think about your well rehearsed routines- Your brain does not have to expend energy wondering what’s next. Our brain prefers the status quo even when it does not produce the desired results.
2. Your Brain needs to know your "WHY." It basically thinks that the way things are is just fine… even though your thoughts are that you want something different. If we are going to make some headway through the status quo pull of our brains, we need to feed our thoughts with a compelling WHY fulfilling that goal matters. It may be that if you lose 20 pounds you’ll have more energy to hike with family or friends, or roll around and have energy to play with your kids or grandkids. Write down WHY your goal matters.
3. We Fail to have a Plan to Manage the Transition. Like any good traveler, you pinpoint your destination before leaving and map out a route from Point A to Point B. In our exuberant stupor, we often think “I’m going to dive into this new action headlong and really make it work this time.” But we fail to plan for the transition time and all that goes into it.
4. We think we’ve failed if we don’t see big results instead of enjoying the journey and looking for baby step progress. Again, if we know we have a brain that moves toward predictability and the status quo, we need to realize that sustainable change often comes in small bites. The more we shift something towards the general direction we want to go, the less our status quo brain will fight us.
5. We have practiced poor thinking habits. Unfortunately, most of us are a product of the experiences of our family of origin ( FOO.) We think, feel and respond based on both inherited genetics ( beyond eye and hair color) but also we are significantly influenced by the words, actions of the people around us growing up. If we heard a parent lament, “I’ll never be able to lose this weight”, then your brain was conditioned to believe that it isn’t an option to change something even if you really want to. Identifying your FOO messaging and modeling is crucial to understanding more about why you do what you do.
6. We don’t realize and are not taught that our brain will believe whatever we tell it. If we tell ourselves messages like, “I’ll never be able to be as good of a writer as my sister, or I won’t be the kind of business leader my mom is, or anything that sounds like “that goal is beyond my reach – not happening”, your brain will believe you regardless of whether those thoughts are actually accurate. So question your thoughts and begin to speak truth to your brain.
7. Include a detailed plan in your plan of action for change, and make space for reprogramming your brain. While many people mistakenly believe that we are just stuck with the brain we have, neuroscience would beg to differ. Due to a beautiful thing called neuroplasticity, we are NOT stuck with the brain we have. There are different tools and methods to utilize that help to literally create new neural pathways in the brain that can help us succeed in obtaining our desires.
8. We underestimate the Need for Practice. Think about if you ever tried to learn to play an instrument, did a sport, or learned a foreign language. Were you a pro right out of the gate? While you may have had a natural talent, it took practice, practice, practice to turn that talent into a strength. No different with trying to do anything new and different. You must choose to carve out time daily to practice doing the thing that you want to become your new habit.
9. We go it alone and don’t value community and support. It is imperative that others know about our goal and that we surround ourselves with safe and supportive people who are either also striving for the same or similar goal, or who are willing to cheer us on and encourage us when we feel like giving up. Find your supportive tribe.
By looking at each of these insights in a new way and learning to love and work with the brain you have, you CAN be the architect of your own life who designs a new blueprint to approach the hopefulness of the new year armed with new tools and new ways to think about how you will actually meet your goals this year.
Be sure to write down your Why, your goals and include actionable small steps to help you get there! And don’t forget to embrace your beautiful brain!
Lesli Dullum Taylor is a Certified Counselor, Certified Brain Health Coach and founder of Live Well Kitsap, The Wellspring Company, and Optimal Wellness Consulting. She would love to hear your thoughts, goals and how you are progressing! Reach out at lesli@livewellkitsap.com
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