We all have a brain that likes comfort. Predictability. Knowing what to Expect. It helps us feel more in control and often more competent. This is where we often feel our best. We feel safe and comfortable.
The truth is as much as we strive for comfort and predictability, many things are often beyond our control. Will our job be secure or might we be out on the street next week or month? Will our business achieve success? Will our teenager get out of his funk?
Life is full of unpredictability and many things that we cannot control. And yet, we all have a brain that strives to control as much as we can.
This is what can make change so difficult. Whether we are trying to change a health habit, how we spend money, or shift into a workout routine or habit that we can stick with, changing something up in our world does not come easy for most.
Change can be challenging because we like comfort too much to want to change. Keeping the status quo, at a job, or in how we show up in our relationships may keep us feeling like we’re ok, just because of the predictability- when in fact sometimes change is absolutely what is needed.
One obstacle toward creating effective change is with our thinking- If we change, we might feel concerned that we are not “ doing it right.” We fear we might be condemned or judged for how we are doing the new thing. Our brain constantly strives to keep us safe- that includes psychologically safe, so when we think about having to learn a new system at work, or change up a work out routine, or learn how to eat foods that actually nourish us, our brain fights back and screams, “NOOOOOOO, just keep it the same.”
Even when the results we are getting are not what we want- at our job, in a relationship or with our health, our brain still screams, “Keep it the same, don’t change anything.”
It is striving to keep us safe, to help us feel in control, and to stick with routines where we know what to expect.
Now you know, changing anything is never just about willpower. Hopefully this helps you to stop feeling guilty about what you have not yet been able to change.
You literally are battling your brain to learn how to do something different from how you have always done it.
Here’s a few ideas to help you move forward as you choose to get out of your comfort zone and into the land of new ideas, new ways of doing things, and hopefully closer to your goals, be they health, work, financial or relationship oriented.
1. Acknowledge the challenge and the emotions it evokes. Consider all the ways doing things the way you have always done them have helped you. Acknowledge and experience whatever emotions come up as you imagine yourself changing, shifting and doing some things differently.
2. Set your specific goals. You need to identify what you are going for and what you want to be different. Write down in specific terms what you are going to do differently and how your life will be different once you accomplish this goal.
3. Know your Why. Why do you want to lose 10 pounds, start eating healthier or make a career change? Why do you want to leave that relationship that is serving to make you so unhappy? We have to know the why behind making changes so we can stay focused on why it matters.
4. Corral a support system- You will need safe others who are either already doing the thing that you are striving to do or can be support to you on the journey. Remember we have the pull from our brain to keep things the same, so it is important that you have a support team to help you navigate the changes and the emotions that come with them.
5. Be kind to yourself as you navigate the new norm. This means meeting yourself with compassion when you slip back into old thoughts or habits and speak truth to yourself. Be kind to yourself in the transition of whatever it is you are trying to change.
Making the decision to change something in your life that is not working, takes courage.
Then it takes a plan and specific actionable steps to allow for change. Reaching your desired goal can begin with one small step. Remind yourself that it will take time to accomplish the goal. Focus on one step at a time.
Want to continue the conversation or share your own story of how you accomplished a change or shifted an important area of your life? Reach out to lesli@livewellkitsap.com.
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